FEEL THE LOVE.
We know it doesn’t look like much but this could well be the raunchiest four walls in the country. Bear with us while we get there though. There are few other nations as obsessed with property as Australia. We talk about it at dinner parties and while others may turn to The New York Times or Economist for erudite insight, we flick through real estate websites in search of more than just bargains or a sense of the market.
They can often be exercises in masochism where we yearn for homes we will never be able to afford. Alternatively, who among us hasn’t ridden the schadenfreude express at some truly hideous decor or bizarre toilet placement in a home up for sale. Well, folks, we have a doozy for you. In the quiet streets of Sydney’s Granville sits a property with a generous 400 square metres of space.
It puts the semi into semi industrial as for almost a quarter of a century it was home to The Raptures Swingers Club. According to industry directories, the club offered “house party-style” swingers’ nights for members, including a “gangbang” night on Wednesdays and Saturdays.
We don’t know exactly what they mean by house party style but we’re assuming you brought a plate and your own booze. And the gang-bang was surely all you can eat. In case you were wondering, the listing agents Professionals St Marys, are fully in on the joke with the add inviting potential buyers to ‘expose yourself’. Who knew real estate agents had a sense of humour.
IMAGE: COURTESY OF TERRY HANSENPHOTOGRAPHER: REALESTATE.COM.AU
Aside from offering five parking spaces and enough room to entertain dozens of horizontal mates, what else do you get for your $1.2 million? Well, there’s the pool room. It’s unclear whether this refers to swimming or billiards. If it’s the former, let’s hope they used some seriously strong chlorine. If it’s the latter, the going for the pink or brown jokes write themselves.
It follows a trend whereby as practitioners of The Lifestyle and adult services move mainly online to set up transactions, a spate of how do we put this politely – former jizz palaces – are now up for sale. For example, apparently, the building housing strip club Bada Bing in Sydney’s Kings Cross is also on the market.
It’s hard to know exactly what caused the decline of such venues but Covid couldn’t have helped. No one is in a club shouting ‘show us your chin’.
Back to Granville, a quick scan through the pics and it immediately becomes clear that we are not talking about Hugh Hefner’s grotto here. What you get is a stripped out warehouse and a shell of a building haunted by the ghosts of a million orgasms.
But with enough disinfectant and a bit of creativity, this could be transformed into a place you’d want to hang out in with your clothes on. And what a backstory to tell over dinner.